So it’s pretty clear that comparing ourselves to others serves no one. That it’s a game with no winner. The jury isn’t out on this one. I teach my kids not to do it, I train my team to avoid it, for crying out loud my pinterest boards and FB posts are full of “do not compare yourself to others.” It’s said in dozens of clever and catchy ways with visuals that cause me to confidently say “Damn right…never again. Not me.”
Yet here I am, willingly playing the game. Again. Jersey on, drenched in sweat, sitting on the bench. Exhausted, and beat up after a brutal game of “why am I not that?” all because I was unwilling to shift my mindset before getting trampled. Who is my opponent in this head game? Me. Well, not the real me. Nagnus. The nagging voice who loves it when I accept her invitation to battle and cringes when I come to my senses and shift my thoughts. When I shift quickly she’s stunned. Thankfully it’s happening more and more often. So then what about this time? Why did I waste 48 hours on this nonsense? I think sometimes I simply forget….forget who I am…forget my contract…lose sight of who my creator says I am. I forget that I’m exactly where I am supposed to be. That we are all exactly where we are supposed to be. That my path is designed only for me.
There are triggers that cause me to go into comparison mode. Scrolling through Instagram I have thoughts that run through my head so quickly that they barely register on a conscious level, yet I feel their mark in my guts. A yoga pose. Not just any yoga pose, but a fit and trim gorgeous yogini with her body positioned like a glorious, beautiful pretzel. My thought? “I wish I could do that. Why can’t I? Should I? Man, my husband would love that.” Then it shows up again when I see a Victoria’s Secret ad or a successful writer, a CEO, you name it. And I don’t think it’s jealousy. Jealousy isn’t a game I play at this stage of my life…I mean, I might park there for a minute but I certainly don’t live there. Yet comparison is unfortunately still very alive in my world. Yesterday I got news that a friend, a colleague, a beautiful soul reached a milestone in our business that I had no idea she was even close to reaching. An achievement I one day wish to call my own, and want to call my own, yet am not yet fully committed to.
So then why in the world did I go from being genuinely happy for her (thrilled in fact), to “what’s wrong with me? why haven’t I done that? Am I on the right path?” Nagnus. GAH! I kick her in the teeth often, and then welcome her right back into my head…to live there rent free. I willingly walk onto the field to battle her when the game doesn’t even have to happen. I agree, it’s insane. Instead of shifting upon hearing this news of my friend’s success or perhaps briefly comparing her success to my path and then shutting it down, I chose to jersey up. Me vs. Nagnus. I could’ve ended the game two minutes in, yet I chose to drag it on, 1:1 for two full days. And since what we focus on expands, I almost immediately started another game at the same time. Over what? It’s actually irrelevant. Just know that it was another pitfall of “why am I not doing that?” Once we go down the path of comparison, or any form of negative thinking for that matter, unless we choose to shift, other negative thoughts and behavior start attracting to us like magnets to Ironman.
And then a breath of fresh air. Of sanity. Of clarity. I remembered that if we’re going to compare ourselves to another human being, we should picture having exactly what they have. What we want so badly. And realize that in order to have that, to be on that same path, we have to be them. We have to give up our life, our family, our own journey in exchange for theirs. All of it. No questions asked.
No thank you. Game over.
My dear friend, the gifted and talented Kathrine Lee, taught me this solution to the comparison trap. It’s the antidote. We all have it. We simply have to choose to access it. And open wide.
It's Nice to Share with Others